INDONESIA

‘My parents thought this man would take care of me’

In Indonesia, former child brides push back, seek change.

By Eva Mazrieva | VOA News

KARANG TENGAH, INDONESIAAttending school in her West Java village made Rasminah happy. But when she was 13, her mother said the family could no longer afford tuition or even basic necessities for their oldest daughter and had found her a husband.

Rasminah wept.

“I didn’t protest because I felt sorry for my parents,” says Rasminah, who like many Indonesians uses only one name. “My parents thought this man would take care of me.”

After two years of marriage, on their daughter’s first birthday, he left.

BY THE NUMBERS

INDONESIA

14%	1%
Married by 18	Married by 15

A generational decline in the prevalence of child marriage exists in Indonesia, according to UNICEF, with prior levels substantially higher than those today. About 1 in 4 young women had married in childhood around 2000, compared to half around 1980.

Regional comparison	Married by 18
Laos	35%
Thailand	23%
Timor-Leste	19%
Cambodia	19%
Myanmar	16%
Philippines	15%
Indonesia	14%
Vietnam	11%

Select a country to explore how it compares to the region.

Rasminah’s mother found her a second husband. He sent her to work in the local fields where a snakebite to her right leg left it paralyzed. After two years of marriage and a child, he abandoned her.

Her mother selected a third man, whom she married when she was 19 and he was 47. Their marriage produced two children and lasted until his death at 54. She married her fourth and current husband at 26.

Now a decade later, she has five children. Her oldest daughter, who witnessed Rasminah’s struggles as a vulnerable young bride and mother, refused her boyfriend’s marriage proposal when she was 17.

“She told him, ‘My mother is a victim of child marriage. I want to finish my studies and find a great job. I want to have my own income,’” says Rasminah, whose pride in her daughter is palpable. “She understands.”

Photo of Rasminah standing in a doorway between the kitchen and the bedroom.

Rasminah was 13 when she was forced to marry. After four husbands and five children, she is now a crusader against child marriage. (Photos by Gembong Nusantara for VOA News)

Rasminah, center, and husband Runata, with four of her five children, whose ages range from 2 to 19 years old.

Rasminah steadies herself with a crutch while using a hoe to work in the field. A snakebite on her right leg left it paralyzed.

Crusader

Rasminah’s experiences have transformed her into a crusader against early marriage. In 2018, she and two other women, helped by the Indonesian Coalition to End Child Marriage, pressed the island nation’s highest court to require enforcement of the same minimum legal age for marriage for both sexes.

Though the 1974 marriage law sets 21 as the minimum age, it permits males to marry at 19 and females at 16 with parental consent — and even younger if religious courts or local officials approve a parental request. The Constitutional Court agreed the current law was discriminatory because it limits the constitutional rights of girls to an education and ordered legislators to fix the law within three years.

In Indonesia, 14% of women age 20 to 24 are first married by age 18, according to UNICEF (Globally, 20% of girls marry by 18). The United Nations considers marriage before age 18 a human rights violation, one that threatens girls’ health and education, and limits prospects for them, their families and countries. The U.N. Sustainable Development Goals call for eliminating the practice by 2030.

Complex challenges

Any attempts to end child marriage in Indonesia face knotty cultural, social, legal and religious entanglements that vary by community. Its 269 million people live among 18,000 islands and speak more than 300 languages. It has the world’s largest population of Muslims — more than 209 million — but recognizes five other main religions besides Islam. It has more than 1,000 distinct indigenous groups.

While Indonesia has codified its criminal law, many of its civil laws are based on adat, a legal system based on colonial Dutch law and an indigenous group’s local customs. The minimum age of marriage and concepts of consent differ depending on the adat and where a family lives.

In the border area of East Java and Central Java, where relatives and religious leaders oversee matchmaking, “the collective nature of society” means parents are often “unable to resist the arranged marriage,” Dr. Ida Ruwaida, a sociologist at the University of Indonesia, told VOA.

Photo of Rasminah folding a sheet while sitting on a mattress.

“I didn’t protest because I felt sorry for my parents. My parents thought this man would take care of me.”

Now 36, Rasminah manages the household, while her husband works as a farm laborer.

Among Muslims, marriage before the legal minimum age is widespread. The religious courts issued 13,251 marriage dispensations in 2018, according to Indonesia’s Supreme Court.

Plan International Australia, which works with marginalized children in Indonesia, says more than 90% of applications are granted. UNICEF found that 97 out of every 100 dispensation requests were granted in three districts: Tuban in East Java, Bogor in West Java, and Mamuju in West Sulawesi.

The religious courts often base decisions on the onset of menstruation, which raises the risk of ever-younger brides. The average Indonesian girl’s age at her first period dropped to 13.6 in 2010 from 14.4 four decades earlier, according to government data reported to the U.S. National Institutes of Health. Outside of religious courts, because almost a third of Indonesian children lack birth certificates, adults routinely bribe local officials to falsify birth and marriage documents. By skirting the legal age requirements, they avoid needing a district court’s permission.

Resting with two of her daughters, Rasminah’s oldest daughter rejected her boyfriend’s marriage proposal at 17.

Pushing back

Some prominent women are taking steps to counter early unions. In 2017, Indonesia’s female Islamic scholars issued a non-binding fatwa against child marriage.

In provinces such as Lombok and Madura, ibu nyai — the influential wives of local clerics who oversee religious boarding schools — intervene when they suspect female students will drop out to marry over holiday breaks.

Lies Marcoes-Natsir, an Indonesian Muslim feminist activist and medical anthropologist, says ibu nyai visit the bride’s parents to explain that more education will improve a girl’s chances for a good job, and that religious schools — unlike public schools — will accept married girls in class.

TRANSLATION: But I think today there’s not too many children who get married as described in the video. People are more educated about the health consequences and the risks of child marriage.

Endang

Indonesia

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The result? Some families might postpone the marriage. Others go ahead with the union but agree to let the girl continue her education, which means more girls continue with school, Lies says.

“The question now is, how much capacity do these leaders have to prevent child marriage? How many children can be protected?”

In 2015, Indonesia’s highest court rejected a petition to review the 1974 marriage law, saying young girls should be allowed to marry to prevent premarital sex and illegitimate babies. But on Dec. 14, 2018, the same court ruled in favor of Rasminah and her colleagues. The Coalition to End Child Marriage argued that by allowing girls to marry at 16, the law violated their constitutional right to education. If the law isn’t revised by December 2021, at a minimum, it must be “harmonized with the 2002 Child Protection Law,” Justice Saldi Isra explained in the court’s decision. That law defines a child as anyone younger than 18, so harmonization would effectively outlaw the minimum marriageable age of 16 for girls.

“This change would matter, because at the community level, the Kantor Urusan Agama (Religious Affairs Office) plays a big role in determining whether the couple can marry or not,” says Aditya Septiansyah, program manager of the Yes I Do project, an anti-child marriage program funded by the Dutch Ministry of Foreign Affairs that works in seven countries, including Indonesia.

“By changing the national level law, they will have reason to reject the application.”

Rasminah’s about-face from acceptance to rejection of local mores may be one of the more effective methods of campaigning against child marriage in Indonesia.

Rasminah, center, along with two other child marriage victims, leaves a hearing on Dec. 13, 2018, after the Constitutional Court ruled that Indonesia’s marriage law violated the rights of girls to an eduation. (VOA News)

Dini Widiastuti, executive director of the NGO Yayasan Plan International Indonesia, says a successful campaign needs local partners who understand an area’s language and cultural nuances. Trained in child protection laws and often given a mandate from village leaders, local activists affiliated with a group like Dini’s can exert pressure with pinpoint accuracy.

“Only people in the community — the clerics, the leaders — can break (through) the cultural beliefs,” she says. People trying to do that from outside a community “would be counterproductive.”

MegawatiForced to marry at 16

Megawati, who lives in a rural village on Lombok Island, is one of the locals. The 25-year-old credits the nonprofit Kapal Perempuan Institute, or Women’s Ship, for helping her understand how her story could empower others.

She says her family forced her to marry at 16.

“I was mocked for ‘not selling,’” says the now-dogged activist against child marriage. “So, I had to get married or I would become the talk of the village, and that would have been a great shame for the family.”

Her mother chose Megawati’s husband.

“Marriage wasn’t as beautiful as it had been described to me,” Megawati says.

She missed school and resented the fighting about money and interfering in-laws that began soon after the wedding. Then her husband started beating her. The conflicts subsided as the couple matured. As they approach their 10th wedding anniversary, thinking about the dramatic change in their relationship makes Megawati laugh.

In March, she stopped a marriage between a 12-year-old girl and “an important local man” whose position and age Megawati did not divulge in part because the couple had had sex.

“For days, I tried to convince the girl and her family that things will be worse if they push her to get married. It’s really complicated. I have to show her family the impact being a child bride had on me,” says Megawati, who at that point had two sons and was pregnant. “Then I talked to the man. I tried to save his face by saying that he could become the hero by pushing the girl to finish her schooling and then get married.

“Can you imagine that in my ninth month of pregnancy, I’m running here and there?” says Megawati, whose daughter was born just after she helped postpone the marriage.

This is just the latest example of her impact. Local leaders regularly ask Megawati to speak about the importance of staying in school and not marrying “as soon as we’re having our puberty.” She has addressed the governor and the regent of her province, West Nusa Tenggara.

To explain the downside of child marriage, she says, “I just tell them my story. How I miss my school, my friends. How I wish I could finish my school and get a job because I want my children to have a better future.”

The activists “opened my eyes,” she says. “We need diplomas, not marriage certificates.”

Sumber : https://projects.voanews.com/child-marriage/english/region/indonesia.html

Mari Bertemu dengan Rasminah yang Menikah sejak Usia 13 Tahun

April 25, 2018April 25, 2018admin

Mari Bertemu dengan Rasminah yang Menikah sejak Usia 13 Tahun

Sumber: tirto.id

Reporter: R. Diantina Putri
Penulis: R. Diantina Putri
Editor: Fahri Salam

September 1998, saat ibu kota masih hanyut dalam euforia reformasi dan perekonomian diguncang krisis hebat, di Indramayu, seorang gadis 13 tahun tengah menghadapi nasibnya di hadapan lebe—sebutan lokal untuk penghulu. Jika semuanya berjalan sesuai rencana, hari itu ia akan dinikahkan dengan pria yang hampir dua kali lipat dari umurnya. Ironis? Belum. Karena ini bukan satu-satunya pernikahan gadis itu.

Mari, temui Rasminah.

Babak Satu: ‘Hei, Ras. Jangan main dingklik dulu! Kamu habis lahiran’

Rasminah mengeduk-ngeduk lemari TV mencari surat-surat nikah. Tak lama, empat jilid surat nikah dari pernikahan pertama dan ketiganya ia sodorkan kepada saya. Dua surat nikah suami dan dua surat nikah istri.

Surat nikah pertama tertanggal 23 September 1998. Rasminah menikah pada usia 18 tahun.

“Itu dipalsukan. Umur saya seharusnya 13 tahun,” ujarnya.

Saya menemui Rasminah di rumahnya pada awal Desember lalu di sebuah kampung bernama Blok Karang Malang. Terletak di Desa Krimun, Kecamatan Losarang, atau sekitar satu kilometer dari Jalan Raya Pantura yang menghubungkan Indramayu dan Jakarta, rumah Rasminah terlihat paling sederhana di antara tetangganya, di tengah perkampungan padat sesudah melewati sebilah ratusan meter jalan yang sepi dan tanpa lampu penerangan.

Rumah Rasminah terdiri dari tiga ruangan. Satu ruangan belakang tempat dipan untuk tidur anak-anaknya, satu ruangan samping tempat ayahnya terbaring karena stroke, dan satu ruangan depan. Di ruangan itu terdapat teve dan rak dan selembar kasur. Lantai rumah beralas tanah dan adonan semen seadanya tempat sehari-hari Rasminah rebahan sembari mengurus anak.

Perpaduan bau ompol dan susu bayi menyeruak di ruangan berukuran 3×2 meter itu. Sementara di halaman rumah ada dapur terbuka tempat Rasminah memasak sehari-hari.

Rifky, anak keempatnya, sedari tadi mondar-mandir meningkahi perbincangan kami sore itu. Rifky mengeluarkan sepeda roda tiga dari kamar belakang untuk dibawa main ke luar.

“Kelas 3 SD, ayah saya stroke. Lumpuh, enggak bisa jalan lagi. Akhirnya, setelah lulus SD, saya menikah demi membantu ekonomi keluarga.” Rasminah melanjutkan kisahnya setelah Rifky anteng bermain.

Rasminah mengiyakan saja saat diminta menikah dengan Suyanto, pemuda 25 tahun asal Semarang. Keuangan orangtuanya sulit waktu itu. Tak ada biaya untuk meneruskan ke jenjang SMP. “Ijazah SD saja tak mampu ditebus,” ujarnya.

Selama seminggu setelah ijab kabul, Rasminah kerap kabur untuk tidur di rumah orangtuanya. Ia takut lantaran tak siap berumah tangga.

“Perasaan saya hancur. Hancurnya ya karena saya masih ingin sekolah. Masih ingin main,” katanya.

Sang suami pun sempat mengajak Rasminah ke Jakarta. Ia terpaksa menurut kendati enggan. Namun, hal ini tak berlangsung lama karena Rasminah sungkan pisah dengan ibunya.

Setahun berikutnya, Rasminah melahirkan Karyamin. Rasminah bingung. Ia tak punya ide apa pun soal mengasuh anak. Maka, putra pertamanya itu akhirnya diasuh oleh sang nenek. Sementara Rasminah asyik saja kembali bermain dengan teman dan tetangganya. Padahal jahitan selepas melahirkan belum juga mengering.

“Hei, Ras. Jangan main dingklik dulu! Kamu habis lahiran,” sekali waktu ibunya memperingatkan.

Usai melahirkan, ajakan Suyanto untuk pindah datang lagi. Kali ini ke Semarang, kampung halaman sang suami. Tapi Rasminah menolak karena ia belum berani berpisah dengan ibunya. Terlebih setelah melahirkan, ibunyalah yang mengasuh sang bayi.

“Ya, takut aja. Namanya masih kecil. Belum siap berumah tangga,” kata Rasminah, kini berumur 32 tahun.

Suyanto yang kala itu bekerja di Bantar Gebang, Bekasi, pun jarang pulang. Nafkah terhenti. Memasuki usia Karyamin dua tahun, ia ditinggalkan begitu saja bersama sang buah hati. Keinginan memperbaiki perekonomian keluarganya pupus sudah.

Rasminah habis akal. Tapi tidak ibunya.

Babak Dua: Ditinggal Kembali

Solusi instan yang terpikir ibunya saat itu hanyalah menikahkan Rasminah lagi. Bagaimanapun juga harus ada yang menafkahi Karyamin. Seorang tetangga, duda cerai beranak dua, bersedia menikahinya.

Lantaran belum bercerai secara sah oleh Suyanto, ia dinikahi siri oleh Dartiman. Usianya saat itu masih 16-an tahun.

Dari pernikahan dengan suami keduanya, Rasminah dikaruniai seorang bayi perempuan bernama Julina.

Namun, lagi-lagi, nasib baik belum berpihak kepada Rasminah. Selama pernikahan, Rasminah tak pernah dinafkahi Dartiman.

“Kalau mau jajan, ya minta orangtua saya.”

Dua tahun setelah melahirkan Julina, ia ditinggalkan kembali.

Meski begitu, ditinggalkan bukan terminologi yang tepat untuk menggambarkan situasi Rasminah pada waktu itu karena Dartiman hanya pulang ke rumah yang letaknya berdekatan dari rumah Rasminah.

“Ya ditinggalin aja, gitu. Enggak dinafkahin.”

Entah apa musabab yang jadi keputusan Dartiman, tetapi Rasminah memilih pasrah dan melanjutkan hidup. Ada dua mulut mungil yang masih harus diberi makan olehnya.

Ia kemudian menjajal nasib ke daerah Cilincing, kawasan utara Jakarta yang dikenal keras dan menjadi salah satu kantong perantauan orang-orang dari utara Indramayu, dan tinggal bersama adiknya. Selang dua bulan, ia kembali ke kampung untuk menengok kedua anaknya. Di kampung, ia bertemu Sumitra, laki-laki yang akan menjadi suami ketiganya.

Rasminah tak pernah kembali ke Jakarta.

Babak Tiga: ‘Saya seperti budak’

Sumitra adalah seorang juragan tanah dari Cikedung, Terisi—sekitar 20-an kilometer ke arah selatan dari desa tempat tinggal Rasminah. Sawahnya luas. Keluarganya terpandang. Kakak Sumitra bahkan jadi kepala desa.

Pikir Rasminah: Kebanggaan mana lagi yang bisa Rasminah dustakan jika diperistri Sumitra?

Gagal dalam dua perkawinan sebelumnya tak bikin Rasminah jera. Ia realistis. Kedua anaknya butuh dinafkahi, sementara ia tak punya keterampilan apa pun untuk bekerja.

Usianya memasuki 20 tahun, sementara Sumitra berumur 42 tahun.

Harapannya agak mengembang karena ia menikahi seorang juragan tanah. Namun, alih-alih diperlakukan layaknya seorang putri di istana, ia harus mengurus, selain anaknya, juga suaminya yang mulai sakit-sakitan karena diabetes, mertua, hingga nenek suaminya. Selain itu, ia juga harus bekerja di sawah, mencuci, dan memasak.

“Saya jadi seperti budak. Kayak bukan rumah tangga, gitu,” ujarnya sambil menyusui si bungsu, Anita.

Satu hari saat tengah bekerja di sawah, sekitar lima tahun setelah pernikahan, kaki kanan Rasminah digigit ular. Merasa sakit luar biasa, ia dibawa ke rumah sakit. Terlambat, pergelangan kakinya sudah menghitam akibat bisa ular.

Selagi pusing memikirkan kondisi kakinya, Rasminah harus menerima kenyataan sang suami meninggal akibat komplikasi penyakit diabetes. Sumitra meninggalkannya bersama seorang anak perempuan, anak ketiganya, bernama Wita.

Tak lama setelah itu, pergelangan kakinya copot sendiri lantaran membusuk.

Rasminah kembali menjanda untuk kali ketiga. Melihat fisiknya yang pincang, dunianya seakan rontok.

“Keluarga (Sumitra) bilang saya tetap akan dikirimi uang tiap bulan. Tapi enggak ada sampai sekarang juga. Cucunya aja enggak dipeduliin,” ujar Rasminah, membetulkan kain yang menutupi kakinya sembari tetap menyusui Anita.

Babak Empat: “Saya mau ini yang terakhir’

Dari tiga perkawinan pertamanya, agaknya cinta adalah urusan kesekian bagi Rasminah asalkan ada yang bersedia menafkahi keluarganya.

Tiga bulan ditinggal wafat Sumitra, Rasminah bertemu Runata, buruh tani berusia 28 tahun. Runata mengajaknya menikah. Usia Rasminah sudah 25 tahun.

Rasminah putus asa. Tubuhnya tak lagi sempurna. Tak akan ada yang mau memperkerjakan orang seperti dirinya. Ia bertaruh pada takdir. Bisa saja, yang satu ini akan berakhir seperti yang sudah-sudah. Atau … bisa juga tidak. Ia pun menerima lamaran Runata.

Tapi, kali ini, agaknya Rasminah memenangkan pertaruhan. Runata, meski bukan orang kaya, adalah sosok yang bertanggung jawab, kata Rasminah.

Laki-laki itu juga bersedia menafkahi ketiga anak Rasminah dari pernikahan-pernikahan sebelumnya.

“Alhamdulillah dengan suami yang sekarang, mah. Saya mau ini yang terakhir.”

Dari pernikahan dengan Runata, mereka dikaruniai dua anak: Rifky, berusia dua tahun, dan Anita, masih berumur 9 bulan.

“Cukup saya aja yang kayak gini. Anak saya jangan sampe. Biar mereka sekolah dulu atau bekerja dulu baru menikah,” ujar Rasminah.

Ia menepuk-nepuk pantat anak bungsunya dengan lembut agar lekas tertidur. Anita menggeliat sebentar.

Tak hanya Rasminah, hampir seluruh teman sebayanya di Desa Krimun menikah terlalu dini.

Menurut Rasminah, selain faktor ekonomi dan budaya, perkawinan usia dini terjadi lantaran kehamilan di luar nikah.

“Cuma satu-dua teman yang lanjut ke SMP. Kebanyakan ya kayak saya,” kata Rasminah sembari meneruskan menyusui Anita.

Dampak buruk perkawinan anak: pendidikan terputus, angka perceraian dan kematian ibu meningkat